This is my first time at Lords.
But enough about Lords. There are some things about cricket in England that are far closer to the spirit of what enjoying a game of cricket should be about than what there is in, say… well, take that Nanny state Australia for example.
Sandy Beaches!
There will be a law passed in Australia soon prohibiting the act of turning one’s head left on Sundays. Police man the turnstiles, every bag is checked. If you exit the arena by 1.5 meters and return your bags are checked again, all under the watchful eye of the police officers manning the turnstiles. Beer, wine and spirits are served with reduced alcohol content and inflated prices.
Report Antisocial Behaviour!!!
Sms any behaviour that might be deemed inappropriate to 0457 890 766. You are being filmed.
Enjoy the Game! Bank with Westpac!
Five of the latest radio approved pop songs blast for 15 second intervals whenever the cricket ball isn’t in motion. You’re at the People’s Ground! A game invented by the people, played by the people and overseen by the government and varied corporate interests. That person is drinking his watered down beer too quickly! Toss him out! No refunds! Aren’t we all having an all inclusive, rip roaring time guys!
Saying ‘Guys’ Assumes gender!
Watch your language! This isn’t about enjoying a game of cricket, it’s about consuming this safe choreographed corporate package that we’ve prepared for you! Only when you get back into the safety of your dully lit lounge rooms can you speak without the fear of your conversations being analysed and rated according to the acceptability of its inclusiveness! (Phones kept in another room of course)
Sorry
This rant is over the top. It’s Just that in England i can take a few cans of full strength beer into the ground and consume them at my leisure and that makes me feel like an adult. A feeling very rarely afforded in Australia. I don’t know if it’s because of a convict past but there’s definitely an authoritative chip on the Ozzie shoulder.
Back to the Cricket
The game at Lords on this occasion was a county game between Middlesex and Glamorgan. And aside from a couple of significant records being surpassed it was a bit of a boring game.
YES!
Graham Gooch’s highest score of 333* was toppled by Northeast (first name not included) who dutifully decided to retire out of respect for the great Gooch on 334* when the team declared. And…
YES!
It was the highest amount of runs ever accrued by two teams in the nearly 150 year history of recorded games at Lords which all sounds very exciting but in reality it was like watching a drunk sailor have sex with a prostitute. The poor old bowlers were the over worked women of the sultry docks here. A great game in any sport is a dance, a tango with an opposition. Eyes locked and bodies held closely together. This was a loveless, filthy lust-laden cricket bat spanking a dirty little cricket ball.
The Simpsons!
Does anyone remember the X-Files episode of the Simpsons? Half way through the third session on day three there was a drunken elderly man staggering along the second Teir of the Lords Members Pavillion with
Exactly!
The same gait as Montgomery Burns walking through the forest after having his green glowing life continuing medication. The Soused spectator could almost perceivably be seen muttering “I bring you Love!”
Indeed, The Pigeons are fat at Lords.